Well, we dropped JG off at the MTC
yesterday and said good-bye for two years. No hugs, kisses, laughs
together, movies, game nights...for two years. He will be a totally
different person when he returns...all grown up and truly
independent. It was actually a bit anti-climatic when the moment
finally came. I mean, what else could we say that hadn't already been
said? He was excited to get started; he'd waited a long time for this
and had tread a thorny path to prepare for the privilege of being
allowed to serve. It wasn't until I hugged him for the last time that
it started to sink in that I wouldn't see his face for two whole
years. Ugh. They loom ahead like a mountain to climb. A hole has
opened in our hearts that only two years can repair. But, we've
waited his whole life for this moment and this too shall
pass...eventually...maybe. Benjamin wanted to cry but couldn't
bring himself to do it. He was so sad and heavy-hearted. We took him
to the BYU Creamery for their outstanding ice cream. He said their
ice cream can fix anything. And he was right. In his case, a triple
chocolate milkshake did help him feel a lot better. Still sad, but
better. He's a keeper.
The hard part begins now, waiting and
worrying until that first letter or email. You wonder... and, because
you're a mom, you worry. You worry that he'll be sad or lonely, that
he won't be able to adjust to the strict rules and schedule there at
the MTC, that he'll have a terrible companion, that he'll get
discouraged and/or decide to leave and come home early... I hate the
worry gene that resides in moms. It didn't help that the day before he
left, we met a young man working at JCPenney that had just come back
from the Sacramento Mission 8 weeks ago...but a whole year early!
That is not good, not good at all. Oh, he loved it and the mission
president, etc, but something had happened that cut his mission
short. He didn't want to get into it and we certainly didn't want to
ask but it was a source of pain and regret for him. He told JG to
give everything he had to his mission because he didn't realize what
it meant to him until he left.
It's so hard. When he was little, I
used to think that the hard part was keeping them straight and worthy
until they were 19, that we just had to “get them there”. That
has all changed. It's so much harder now, the bar for
missionaries has been raised so high now, that it's not over 'till
it's over in two long years. Missions are hard...very hard...hard,
hard work. They are wonderful, but hard. And so I hope that he gets
letters, lots and lots of letters, encouraging him on. And I hope that
his extended family, many of whom do not fully understand the whys or
purpose of what he is doing, but love and respect him anyway, will keep him in their prayers and pray for his success, pray that
we will overcome homesickness and discouragement, pray for him to
learn the Spanish language, pray for him to be safe and keep going
and be the best, most obedient missionary he can be. Cheer that young
man on and stay in touch so he knows he is loved. Missions may be hard but nothing worth doing is easy; it always take great
sacrifice.
The quality of his letters will
determine a lot. Hopefully, he'll email us next week and tell us that
he loves his companion, his teachers, his experience, the food!, the
MTC...but mostly, that he loves being a missionary and that he loves
the Savior and His gospel and this amazing church. Until then, I will
pray and I will worry, even though I know he's in good hands; even
though I know full well that his Father in Heaven is very much aware
of him and loves him, even though I have seen Christ's atonement make
him whole again, even though I've seen all the miracles that have
brought him to this point and the changes and growth in this young
man....a small part of me will still worry...because I'm a mom,
right? =)
